Life has been so bad for me for this entire week..
it had been a long long time since i cry so much..
i'm hugging my doggy pushtoy tightly and sobbing my heart out.
i'm going crazy again i think.
and this time round.
why?
because of my mum.
she had fallen sick..
i guess this time round is really serious..
she had been laying on the bed for the entire week already.
.
the first time round i saw my mummy shivering with cold in her bed.
and i'm really scared..
i do not noe how to help her..
and i just cry.
i'm really scared and lost.
and my heart do hurts alot to see her like this =(
.
The first time round she vomitted onto the floor..
i'm just broke down when i saw her vomit.
my heart just hurts.
and i do feel very worried.
.
the first time i'm cleaning "vomits" on the floor with a cloth.
i just cry and wipe the floor.
but i ended up vomitting too.
i just ran to the kitchen and vomited all my dinner out.
from young, i will just feel like vomiting when i smell something bad -_-
.
i shed a few tears out infront of pui today.
i just got a shock why my aunt suddenly ask me in sch through msn which hospital my mummy admitted to.
i've forgotten to bring my phone to sch today and i thut something happen and daddy couldn't contact me.
but it ended up as a false alarm as my aunt got the wrong news.
-_-
i'm so worried that i cried in sch.
seriously i can't stand anymore such joke already.
i will seriously breakdown.
.
just feel that i'm so easily agitated these few days.
is it because i'm so worry about my mum that make my temper flare up so easily?
i seldom feel so agitated about small little things and i really dun noe why i'm like this.
got into small little conflicts with my dear fren in sch.
i seriously dun noe why i'm like that.
that's why they keep saying i'm having PMS these few days.
i'm really sorry about my temper these few days.
i will try control it and keep my mouth shut.
.
am i someone so fake?
even though i do feel so sad in my heart,
why do i still smile and laugh around?
maybe i dun like to affect other pple's mood with mine.
but isn't smiling better than sad?
and my fren is just so funny.
they will just make me smile and laugh out loud and forget everything depressing.
maybe laughing is a way of forgetting my pain?
i wonder.
.
am i someone that my daddy love to scold?
why does he love to scold me whenever he is feeling sad ?
he scolded me for no reason.
it is not like i have agitated him or watever.
i'm just eating my dinner quietly and he will just scold me.
scold me for watching drama?
wat the.
i guess he is quite sad that he can't go fishing oversea with his friends today as my mummy is sick.
but i wonder why he wants to go oversea to fish.
why got pple take airplane to other country just to fish?
crazy ok?
and u cannot anyhow scold me because u not happy with other stuff
it's super unfair
it's ok if u dun say some concerning words to me
IT'S OK!
just don't anyhow scold me for no reason and agitate me.
I HATE PPLE TO RAISE HIS VOICE OUT
you think ur voice loud u win ar?
crazy.
can't u talk nicely?
it's also not my fault for not letting u go fishing?
-_-
I'm already very stressed with schworks and all that.
i'm having a bad headache.
just give me some peace for goodness sake.