seriously looking at the way i am right now..
i do feel that i change alot..
changing alot doesn't mean always in a good way..
sometimes a bad one too..
i mean i'm just hiding myself..
from everything and everything..
.
.
-i fell in love with alcohol that can make myself forget the pain
(Even though i always nag at ding not to last time..)
-i went to dye my hair and perm my hair..
which is a NO NO to chewloo last time
dying my hair will make my hair spoilt.
but ya i still did it..
-wearing contact lens..
i wanted to do it so much..
but ya..
it nv ever given me strength or motivation until..
ya..
-i keep staring at the mirror
(i do not care so much about my looks last time..
but ya...feel so zi lian..
and i do think i'm just such an ugly freak.
-i always treat my friends with a true heart..
but ya..
lots of things happen which make me lose the faith of it..
i so scared that i may get hurt again ..
the feeling just sux..
-i do not love chatting with weird man who add me out of nowhere..
-i do not love man who anyhow say I LOVE YOU..
-i do not love man who flirts so much..
-i do not love man who gave me reply which is so dots.
- i do not love myself who is like this now..
i show a smile and acted as if i'm very happy..
but inside me i do hurt so much..
i hate it..
i hate it
i hate myself for not be able to lead the life i had last time.
i hate myself for not be able to have the life without worries last time..
i 'm just a happy go lucky girl last now..
but now..
what am i?
some freak which is trapped somewhere
being stuck at the same spot now the feeling just sux seriously..
and stepping into the hole which i know i will fell badly just so stupid..
-i hate people who gossip about me at the back..
i do know who you are..
speaking me behind my back about me and him..
can't you just talk about other thing?
it is so not fun..
to hurt people at the back..
and the words just turn a few rounds and go into my ears..
how will you feel if it was you?
-i do hate myself..
for stabbing myself hard and hurt myself..
continuing hurting?
i do love the old me..
but what's have changed is unchanged already
what's hurt cannot be heal