i'm trying so hard..
so hard so hard..
to get over it..
i was damn blur to open the wrong file yesterday..
all are our pics last time..
our memory just flash and flash in my brain
tears just came flowing down and down..
crying so hard in my bed..
wishing someone can save me from it.
.
.
.
tears just continue till today..
it just flow and flow..
no matter whether i'm in the tutorial room or in the lecture room,
why ms mah need to say mangosteen out of so many fruits?
Mangosteen =(
tears just flow down..
perhaps muimui is rite..
people get better after some time..
but for my case, it is getting worse and worse..
i'm really going crazy soon.
can i dun live here?
can i just disappear..
i'm suffering down here..
really very very tong ku..
.
.
.
after reading puipui books about
"why men can only do one thing at a time and women never stop talking"
lots and lots of thoughts just form in my mind..
i do not noe why..
i just noe that i've fail u..
i'm really sorry..
for not able to understand u..
i should have understand that men do not care about small details,
they have the same expressions no matter whether they are sad or happy...so i shouldn't kept pestering u why do u look so sad always...
they have to witness tears, a temper tantrum or be slapped before they had a clue of what going on...so i shouldn't beat around the bush or say something in the opposite way and hope u will do the other way cos u will nv noe and u will only listen to wat we have say to u and not the things i WISH u to do...
lots and lots of things..
i should have understand men do not like to say " I LOVE U".. i thought is only u.. but it is the whole batch of men.
i should have understand what the overall men think and not just forcusing on wat u have done that's wrong..
i should have understand that is men instinct and can't be change afterall..
everything is just my fault..
my fault..
and still mine..
.
.
.
u dun need to feel bad that everything is ur fault and u have ruin my life..
it's ok de.
u just be happy..
it's ok that i'm the one feeling sad,
cos if one day angel only allow one to be happy, i will let it be u..
cos i shouldn't be here..
i do not belong to here..
if my parents aren't here, perhaps i will have jump down from somewhere and leave the place here..
cos i'm suffering here..
very very sad..
but i couldn't..
cos they told me having me is very tough and shouldn't end my life just like this..
i will try to be strong..
i will try my best..
crying too much and thinking too much is just making my head hurts too much too much..
perhaps i'm falling sick soon..
take care..
and smile..
cos your friends are hoping u that u will do that..
.
.
.
just something from the book..
.
"Relationships become rocky when men and women fail to acknowledge they are biologically different and when each expects the other to live up to their expectations. Much of the stress we experience in relationships comes from the false belief that men and women are now the same and have the same prioritie, drives and desires"
.
This paragraph makes me think alot alot..
alot alot that make me cry alot alot..
hahaha
i'm crazy..
cos this book is meant to be funny
and i cry so much ..
SIAO~

trying to get over it..
it's so so tough..
how am i able to get use of one less people to think of..
tears just flow and flow..
no matter where or when..
i will still think of u..
sometimes i feel i'm really very tong ku..
how i wish that i could end my life..
i do not belong in this world sometimes i think..
trying to act as though nothing happen..
trying to make myself smile here and there
playing and playing...
just to make u feel better that u have not let me down..
but when i'm alone ..
all those scary things kept flashing thru my mind.
making me feel really really scared and sad..
and tears will just flow down..
people will think i'm crazy crying in the bus..
people will think i'm crazy crying when i'm walking..
people will think i'm crazy crying when i'm looking at my hp
people will think i'm crazy staring at the com and cry..
i've cry so much so much...
perhaps i really dun belong to this world..
i'm too sentimental..
but the world is just too scary for me to handle.

Just got a chance to chat wif H2 online..
and he told me this http://www.tickle.com/ webbie
just pop in and did this quiz
WHICH PART OF UR BRAIN DO U USE?
-left or right?
and i got this..
Balanced-brained
That means you are able to draw on the strengths of both the right and left hemispheres of your brain, depending upon a given situation. When you need to explain a complicated process to someone, or plan a detailed vacation, the left hemisphere of your brain, which is responsible for your ability to solve problems logically, might kick in. But if you were critiquing an art opening or coming up with an original way to file papers, the right side of your brain, which is responsible for noticing subtle details in things, might take over. While many people have clearly dominant left- or right-brained tendencies, you are able to draw on skills from both hemispheres of your brain. This rare combination makes you a very creative and flexible thinker. The down side to being balanced-brained is that you may sometimes feel paralyzed by indecision when the two hemispheres of your brain are competing to solve a problem in their own unique ways.
wahahaha..
how can i be that gd?
a balanced brain?
LOl..
must be cheating my feeling again..
as i anyhow do de..
opps

TODAY I WENT TO JCG
for ICHIGO DAIFUGU EVENT!!

mingling with the 3 male juniors made me think alot..
alot alot in life..
Javier(he is H2..i'm H1)..
he is such a funny funny joker..
he had so many craps..
and he make everyone so happy wif his joke..
seeing him laugh and laugh and making pple laugh
make me think of me last time who is always smiling..
he kept disturbing and making fun of ShaunsSSSSS..
cos his Shauns name got one more "S" which is quite unique..
and Shauns will entertain him back..
the two of them is like so OMG.
acting like gay..
hahaha..
then Kenny..
he is a more silent type of man..
even though still will joke with them..
but he will tone down abit..
will help me wipe bowls which is so NICE!
hahaha..
this 3 guys make me think how life will be so easy if u dun think so much..
just enjoy the time =)
just laugh and chill.
^-^
even though can still see that JAvier had problems in his relationship..
but he is still joking around so happily..
like nothing happen..
make me think alot..
perhaps in life..
we do not need to think so much..
just live up your life and be happy...
SMILE CHEWLOO!!!
-thx Javier- u r really a saviour to me
even though i nv told u anything about my problems and all that..
but u make my day happy and make me realise i should be happy again
seeing u smile and smile..
u sort of like influencing me wif ur smile..
making me wanting to find back the lost smile again =)

WHAT A SAD ANS THAT U HAVE GAVE ME...
hai..
i've cry the whole morning today ..
sob sobx..
THX MUI MUI for comforting me..
dun copy me cry lah..
hahaha

***I MUST LEARN FROM ANG FONG MUI TO BE INDEPENDENT!!!!***


Today we had CAT prac test..
kinda stress cos we need finish by the time limit..
but everything was so FUN!!!
Mr JEff is such a nice person=)
everyone did a great job!
I love all the food that all of u had made..
it was so yummy yummy ^^
and i had lots of fun

RICE MADE BY RAI RAI GROUPSFRONT: rectangle thing=TORTILLA from MEXICO by YIMING's grp
BACK: round round thing=A KIND OF GLUTINOUS RICE DESSERT by JOJO's grp

FRUIT TARTS! YUMYUM! by sengchin grp

THE LEFT ONE IS OUR SOUPY!!
originated from JAPAN!
a kind of CHINESE NEW YR SOUP named ZONI!
yummy yummy=)

SALAD!!!
i'm not sure who made this.
but the decoration is so attractive=)

THE YELLOW YELLOW THING ON THE RIGHT IS MANGO!!!
super super duper sweet and nice..
served with the glutinous rice ^^
from JOJO's grp^^

EVERYTHING PUT TGT!!
look so so so so so nice and yummy!
munch munch^^

DING DING
met this girl after everything ends..
she is such a great fren lah...
come to TAMP just for me lah
even though she hate that place alot
hahaha
she chat chat with me and make me feel better...
thanks so much..
without u perhaps perhaps i will have disappear in this world...
u make me feel someone exist in my world lah..
thankx u..
thanks for accompanying me..
i really appreciate..
u must be happy
u must
we will have a better life..
WE WILL
and
WE MUST!!!
dun be sad le ok my dear fren
TIME TO BE HAPPY AGAIN my dear fren..

actually i feel that perhaps everything is my fault so u decided to end it..
i feel really bad sometimes..
i have regret what i did
i just need concern and attention from u
even though i sometimes act as though i dun really care that much
but i do care lot..
but u nv know that
maybe if i'm NOT like that sometimes perhaps u will not have make the choice of giving it all up
i will cry when i think of our happy times tgt or i walk to somewhere we have walked tgt b4
i guess u will only think of the sad times...
that is why ur decision is so firm
it hurts
u r like taking a knife stabbing into my heart..
it is bleeding..
u will not think of our happy times..
perhaps u only want HAPPY TIMES...
and I can only give u sad sad de ..
but i think one thing that u nv know till now is ..
before i had u
my life was a happy one
i'm not sad de.
i only cry for u..
i do not cry for little stuff
i cry when i see u sad..
i dunno why?
perhaps i love u too much and i can;t bear u to be sad.
u always say u are so happy de nan ren
but i can see u r sad lah
u will nv tell me...
and i dun wish to add troubles to u
that's why i nv told u my problems
cos i understand that i will be adding more troubles to ur troubles
which i dun really wish that to happen..

u have chosed to end it
which make me so sad
i should not have put so many feelings in it
and make myself so miserable now
i'm just a silly girl
pple told me that i should hate u
actually i should have did that
as the things u say to me
is really hurting
but but..
i still can't bear to do it
i got feeling..
i'm not cold-blooded
we have loved for 9 months plus..
i loved u as much as i can
but u nv know
just after one month that everything has ended and u told me u dun love me anymore..
that is so so so so so.. sad..
perhaps u have fell in love wif other pple
or u think other pple is better than me..
In your heart...do i have a place there?
how can u ever break wif me just becos u think we dun understand?
it's unfair to me..
i'm not a toy for u to play and throw
it's just an excuse from u right?
u dun love me anymore..
sobx

I 've try so hard so hard..
explaining to u that EVERY COUPLE DO HAVE MISUNDERSTANDING..
and they do not understand sometimes too
at least they try solve it
but u nv
u say u did.
but u nv told me the problems..
everything u started thinking urself in ur brain about how we dun understand each other
solving it urself
which sometimes i also dunno u r solving it
that;s scary cos i dun noe the problem
i thut we r always happy
u ownself feel that we really dun understand each other..
and u make the decision urself
which is so ridiculous..
u 've planned everything so nicely for urself..
leaving me clueless about wat is happening..
giving me the thing that i dun wish to hear.
i'm sad..
u have ruin me
ruin my life and everything..
how i wish it is just a stupid nighmare.

TODAY IS THE WORST TIME OF MY WHOLE LIFE
i never feel so sad before
i just cry and cry and cry..
i also dun noe why..
i feel super sad..
my heart is stab by thousands of knifes.
save me
i'm in pain
=(

TRYING SO HARD TO MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER...
but i just don't wish to make myself a bitch anymore..
i will forget..
i've tried..
cos i treasure it..
but there is a limit to everything..
i gave in..
u reject back..
i gave in again..
u reject back again..
maybe it is just so stupid of me..
FORGET is the word i wish my brain can help
no point thinking of u..
no point my brain keep dreaming of u..
no point thinking whether are u ok or not?
no point concerning u...
what have ended has ended..
no point trying anymore..
it's no point..
u dun appeciate..
and wat else can i say?
trying to solve it..
yet u think it is demanding.
oh man..
in life we need sacrifice..
do u think having one is so easy?
i'm JUST a toy..

I still miss u alot.
even though i know i really shouldn't
missing u is such a painful thing..
i can't concentrate when i'm studying..
i really can't..
the whole brain is u U and still U..
WHAT A DUMB PERSON I AM..
the moment u msg me i feel happy.
i dun noe why i feel like this..
but hai..
the feeling of wanting to go over and concern u and i couldn't is so so tough and painful
seeing u and her so closely tgt make me feel again and again whether it's becos of her
i noe it wouldn't be..
maybe i'm far too sensitive i think..
and it hurts..it really hurts
i've bury myself into work work and still work..
until i couldn't really rmb wat is the day we separate..
but hai..
perhaps that is wat u want?
i really wish u to take really gd care
since i'm not there anymore
my mind is still full of ?????
i really wish u to meet me and talk things out..
wish u all the best =)

LAst wk of June

~the HUMAN in Pyjamas family~
adapted from the bananas in pyjamas
Me=H1
JAvier=H2
Kenny=BEARS
SHauns=Mr RAT!

plus plus..

i'm a mentor over there lah
shifu?
hahaha
thx JAP for calling me this..
hahha

and and..
i still can't forget how Vivein look when she worry about wat to do..
GABETTE!!
dun worry=)
u r just like the me last time
hahaha

JIAYOU EVERYONE!!!!!!!
I LOVE U ALL

Oh man..
so long nv blog..
hahaha
it's the same problem.
that is only bad pt with AS student lah
so BUSY!!!

hahaha
this few wks really is a disastor..
I've somehow lost TWO most impt person
hai
that's super duper sad..
i've cry tons of times becos of that..
i think my tears are somehow dried up?
wahahaha..
sometimes i really feel like ending my life..
but i suddenly feel it is not worth it lah..
why die for someone who dun even care about u?
that is damn stupid!!!!

hahahaha
luckily i told my mum about it..
she is super happy when i lost that ONE fren lah..
but perhaps is a right choice =)
that person don't cherish what he have..
so..
why should i even care?
NO MORE WORRYING about that person.
what that person do now don't affect me anymore..
so FORGET FORGET AND STILL FORGET!!!
but still normal friend lah
i treat friends better ok?
hahahha

THX FOR DING,JB,MUI,PUI,MUMMY and the rest for supporting me this few day..
all ur hugs hugs and care and concern really help me=)
without them..
perhaps u won't see me typing all this le..
THANK YOU=)
A BIG THANK YOU=)
esp dingding..
ur msg and ur presence somehow fill up my heart...

hahahaaahahahahahha
now i'm living the life of myself..
i dun need think so much..
so i feel somehow carefree..
hahaha
although carefree means abit empty..
but work will just fill it all up=)

GO GO GO!!!!
i will be the same happy one!!!
JIAYOU CHEWLOO..

so wat if no one in this world love u?
u still have urself to love.

no more sensitive mind or heart..
so wat if other pple hate u?
so wat if other pple say bad stuff about u ?
so wat if u did the most and other pple did lesser?
so wat if u r always doing the lousiest bad job?
so wat if u r alone and no one is by ur side?
so wat if pple are angry and shout at u?
so wat?
no point crying my dear chewloo
u are just so fragile lah..
why u always think so much about how other pple feels about u?
no point thinking
no point..
live ur own life man..
even if the whole world collaspe
live for urself..
live for ur soul..
dun need care
just do wat u want

i'll be free..
and i'm lazy to care about anything anymore..